Getting Back On Track

Today starts my new journey of getting my fitness levels back on track. Baby J has pretty much weaned off the boob and I told myself when that happened I would start back all those healthy habits that were abandoned during pregnancy.

Before going back to work, I was 7 pounds shy of pre-baby weight and about 17 pounds shy of where I was when I was running races, going to kickboxing, doing PiYo, and/or Cize near daily. I felt so good and felt that I looked good too. However, after getting on the scale this morning after a weekend of fast food, I have gained a whooping 16 pounds since going back to work the first week of October. This is just unacceptable but I know exactly how and why it happened. The picture below is Hallowen and I still felt awesome and although I had gained a bit I was still able to be active and wasn’t having teenage boy skin.

When I came back to work my milk supply started dropping off from not being with him as much. I didn’t respond well to pump and started amping up my calories to make up for it. I was still drinking the sodas and eating all the wonderful, bready carbs that settled my stomach when I was pregnant. Because of depression and just wanting to make more milk, I stepped away from the scale so that I wouldn’t have that anxiety reek havoc on my mental stability and then negatively impact my milk supply. I wasn’t paying attention to what I was putting in my body and about a month ago I started seeing and feeling the effects. My skin is going wonky, feeling oily, and constantly breaking out, my stomach seems to be getting bigger and bigger, and I started feeling worse than I did when I was pregnant. As much as I love the picture of me and my little dude below, I can look at it and pick apart things I don’t like about it and I HATE that.

I know what I’ve been doing wrong, or at least wrong for my body type, and I’m making some changes to correct it. I thought about throwing myself 100% into Keto but I think I’m going to start by moving into the low carb world. I know this works for me. When I did keto the first time, when I started running and doing races nearly every weekend my body needed the carbs. I’m trying to be gentle with myself because I know that when I get stressed I eat and I feel like I am one big ball of stress 99% of the time.

This week I’m trying out some new low carb recipes, ditching the soda habit (again for like the millionth time), and watching my caloric intake. Slowly each week, I’m going to add in a healthy habit. I’m hoping by Memorial Day weekend to be back in a few of my old summer shorts.

Here is my goal for myself. I felt amazing after this run, I love the bright colors, and the tan skin. I was there once and I know with a little work I can get there again.

What are some of your healthy habits that make your life better?


Pregnancy and Eating


I’ve made it to 14 weeks and look at the baby bump in the picture as well!IMG_20160215_152014

Here’s me at 12+ weeks after a big meal lol

So I originally started this blog entry sometime early January to document the thought process of eating while pregnant. I had kind of forgotten about it until weekend before last when a friend of a friend was asking me TONS of questions about being pregnant and becoming pregnant. Her and her husband had been trying a couple of months and were starting to get frustrated the BFP hadn’t happened yet. And truly was like I need to finish this thing up while waiting in the drive thru for my taco bell.

My pregnancy journey has been much like my fitness journey, not necessarily straightforward and definitely not easy and I’m pretty upfront about that fact. I tell anyone that asks about advice when it comes to even thinking about getting pregnant is to get healthy. I’m not saying you have to run 100 miles a week and eat nothing but quinoa but there are steps that will definitely help in getting your body healthy enough to carry a baby and procreate. I lost around 40 pounds in order to get pregnant and have a kid. I found exercises that I loved (kickboxing, running, beachbody dvds to break up the boredom or to do on a rainy day) and found a “diet” that I personally could live with, loved, and was the right type for my body and health (low carb/keto for me).

I was SO GLAD that I did this. My skin cleared up, my health majorly improved, and I found a great balance that made my mind healthy as well. Mental health is HUGE in the overall health of one’s well-being and doesn’t get the necessary attention that it deserves. When all of this clicked for me is when I got pregnant.

And I’m so glad that I was eating healthy beforehand because I feel like I’m on the ultimate frat kid diet right now just trying to feed my sweet parasite. This babe loves cheeseburgers, french fries, pizza, Taco Bell, and the only chicken that is worthy is a fried chicken something from Chick Fil-A.  The friend of a friend said that she would start eating healthy once she found out she was pregnant and I told her to start now for this very reason.

There are a lot of misconceptions about eating while pregnant. One of the major ones for me is that I would have any control over it. For example, I  spit out 3 strawberries in a row because the being growing in me decided they were bad today. Pineapple and blueberries are good to go though. Good thing I didn’t buy the complete strawberry container like I debated. I heard a lot of women had issues with chicken and poultry and I remember thinking that is so bizarre but it can be so freaking true that it is annoying. Even seeing uncooked chicken in the store right now is enough to make my stomach flip.

Knowing these food aversions (which is such a simple word for such a violent feeling) which has also ruled out eating nice big, healthy salads, I’ve developed ways to make sure that I’m eating as balanced as humanely possible. I mix mushrooms into almost every cooked meal. If I eat a burger, I get it with as much of the works as I can handle, and I make sure that the lettuce and tomatoes are still on my tacos. I make Philly cheese steaks at home to make sure that I’m getting the vegetables that way too. The other day I made pepperoni rolls and sauteed spinach and was able to get the spinach down no problem. I joke that I’m already playing make a deal to get the kid to eat the necessary vegetables.

I’m also taking everything a day at a time. My energy levels have gotten better this week but I do hurt when I start to do too much. Right now I’m planning to walk a 5k on Saturday since the weather will be nice and to also test out to see how my body will handle 5ks for race season.

The race shirts that I got in an XL have come in handy so that I have something to be comfortable in after work.


Sometimes Life Just Hurts…

July 31st changed my life forever.  I had the two pink lines I waited over a year for and couldn’t be happier.  And then I got scared.  Life would change drastically but I was ready for those changes.

On August 5th, we went to the doctor and didn’t see anything on the ultrasound but they did another test and ran some blood work. We ran some errands and while out our Ford Edge stuttered and cut off as we pulled into Sonic for some cherry limeades.

That Friday I went back in because the blood work did show there was a pregnancy, my numbers were just low so they wanted to make sure everything was expanding like it should. I was told also that I needed to take it easy and not do any of my HIIT workouts and be careful running because of the heat. The same day, Tristan’s truck had done the stuttering thing again and finally threw a code for us to figure out what was going on.  The cam phasers were going bad according to the code.  We were going to be looking at about $2,000 in repairs.

Over the weekend we noticed our 10 year old golden lab and beagle mix was not wanting to go outside at all and was no longer eating like she had been.  We also came to terms with the fact her paw was not healing from tumor although she was on antibiotics. Monday morning I called the vet and told her what was going on and although she said the could do surgery where the second tumor was, it would result in amputation.  Her suggestion was to put our precious,sick girl down.  Full of tears, I called the doctor’s office to get the results of Friday’s blood work.  I figured if I was going to get bad news I wanted it all together. I received good news from that phone call and thought maybe life would have a gleam of happiness to it.

On August 14th, we went to my OB/GYN and saw a little sac on the ultrasound and were beyond thrilled. We were going to have some happiness on a day where we were going to be our sweet, Kouki girl down. It was one of the hardest days of our lives but we got through it together.

On August 16th, I started spotting here and there. Nothing to worry about said the internet but I just felt something was wrong. Monday night the bleeding got worse and I called the night line of my doctor’s office and he told me to come in first thing in the morning.

August 18th, I was told that I was having what looked like a threatened miscarriage but that the sac was still attached but they weren’t sure if it was growing or not. August 20th, I woke up in so much pain that I called the doctor immediately and they got me in. I went directly to the ultrasound tech when I got there and she found that there was no more blood going to the fetus. It was absolutely devastating to hear with everything that we had been through already that month.

August 21st, I went in for a D&C. While waiting for the operation at home, I could feel my uterus getting ready to do what it knows to do and I was so glad to go into an operating room to have it taken care of. I was absolutely miserable in pain at my house.

Sometime within that week, we got the truck back after costing nearly $3,000 to fix. It had a few hiccups that made us think that it was going to have to go back to the shop for more fixing but has run fine ever since.

The month of September and part of October were mostly blurs and blips on the radar. I felt like I was just going through the motions in order to keep going. It wasn’t until my sister’s wedding in November that I seemed to snap out of things. It was like I needed to see love outside my own sphere and just bask in pure happiness that weddings tend to emote.

I started writing this blog post at the end of September  because it seemed there wasn’t any miscarriage stories out there like this. I never fully soaked a pad like they said I would. There was only bleeding when I wiped (which is probably TMI) but I knew something was wrong. A general consensus always says to trust your gut, especially on important things and as much as I wanted to stay positive because everything else was so negative, I couldn’t. Effectively in August, my husband and I lost two babies and we had a conversation about how everyone just expects us to be okay with everything and we weren’t. This is not saying that everyone told us that we should be fine because it was now over with, it just seemed like it was expected that we bounce right back. It just felt like the world kept moving when it should have paused to give us breath. But it kept going, so we had to as well.

I was back at work the following Tuesday because I just couldn’t sit at home anymore even though I was still in some pain. Everyone was shocked that I went back so soon. I was even told that I could take up to 6 weeks if I needed to but I just knew I needed to come back for my own mental health.

It is okay that we didn’t feel okay. We shouldn’t have been back to our normal selves. We were hurting, both of us, and it seems like men sometimes have the short end of the stick with these things because society doesn’t always let them mourn for something of this nature, or anything in general really.

This holiday season we really just focused on each other where we both try to focus on our families more than each other. We focused on enjoying each other’s company and I feel stronger in our relationship than I ever have, which is a good thing as we are approaching being together for 9 years. How crazy is that?