In June of 2013, I started my amazing journey to start living a healthy lifestyle. In doing so, I accomplished so many things that I never thought possible. I have also overcame a lot of things in this journey. When you are consistently exercising, running, and eating right the negative thoughts that would cloud nearly every waking minute started slowly disappearing. There were times I would go for a run just to make sure those negative thoughts stayed at bay. None of the changes I started making in the summer of 2013 were extremely noticeable at first but slowly people started noticing and for the first time in no telling how long I started taking pride in my body and the things that it could do.
Now, 3 years later, I’m nearly 28 weeks pregnant (I will be on June 3rd) and hitting my third trimester. Tomorrow, I also go for the 3 hour glucose test and some of the old, negative thoughts and food issues are freight training my thought process. Since finding out I was pregnant, I have been terrified of getting gestational diabetes (GD). Failing the one hour test has brought up some old food insecurities and issues, made me hate PCOS just a bit more than I normally do, BUT it hasn’t effected the thoughts that I’m having about my pregnancy (more on that in a bit).
Knowing that I’m going to get told to watch my carbs and my sugar intake are a no brainer when it comes to the outcomes if I have GD. What makes me really worried is how hard it has been for me to eat certain things throughout this pregnancy. Throwing up salad is one of the worst things ever, feeling the clinching of my gag reflex when I would try to eat green beans or anything green really other than pickles made me want to cry, the uncontrollable need to eat a big, juicy burger made me feel like some kind of junkie most days, wanting to throw up anything that entered my mouth that wasn’t a craving made me just give up trying to fight, and finally not being able to even tolerate the look of raw chicken or the smell of baked chicken made me just stop caring.
This is something healthy I was able to eat a few weeks ago:
Between the throwing up, bowel movement issues, and energy levels working out has been severely hit or miss. It is really hard to continue working out when you spend an hour nearly every not throwing up everything and pooping out the rest. About a month ago, this stop happening every night or every night or so but it still happens about once a week. Maintaining physical activity is HARD. It feels like this pregnancy has been a multitude of all the worse symptoms of pregnancy. It has made the experience very real but also has made me very blunt when it comes to being pregnant.
Even with not being able to eat a variety of foods and throwing up, I’ve still gained nearly 30 pounds so far. This has been disheartening but it ways I didn’t think it would be. The fact I’m gaining doesn’t necessarily bother me, it is the thought of having to lose it after he gets here. It took me nearly 2 years to lose 40 pounds. Granted, I was diagnosed with an endocrine disorder (PCOS) during this time and had to change my thoughts around healthy eating because with PCOS, healthy eating for me is not the same as it would be for someone with PCOS but I had to work for everyone of those pounds and I know with a wee little one finding time to exercise, especially as much exercise as I was doing, maybe harder to accomplish.
All of this is making some of my old issues involving food come to the surface. Luckily, I am totally amazed at watching my belly grow and my body change. I’ve started seeing Jensen kick and move. As cliche as it sounds I’m really enjoying the way that my body is doing this whole metamorphosis. So I feel very torn in watching my body grow and well watching my body grow. And I’m happy that for at least now, I can still move even if it is in small increments.